Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I love black thongs
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
