Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
