my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
