Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
