there's paper in my vomit.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Randomize
