Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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