I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
