if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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