I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
