I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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