just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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