Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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