totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
