Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
