did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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