These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
