thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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