Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
