last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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