My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
