sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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