I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
