Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
please come you make the beer taste better
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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