I am puke
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
