Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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