plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
