it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
