No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
My breasts were aching with rage.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
