Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
