yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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