I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
