I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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