Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
