I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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