dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
