I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
