tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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