It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
