Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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