At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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