The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
