Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
