I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
