I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
