So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
