hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
