i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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