True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
