i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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