Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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