just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
